Code Red Link Farm: "All the links fit to print!" "Gluten Free" "Sustainably Sourced" "Numerically Controlled" "Stratum One Synchronized" "Drop Forged" "Organic, Grass-Fed" "RoHS Compliant" "Servo Actuated" "UL Listed" (Not really) "Non-Habit-Forming" "NP-Complete" "Ultra Pasteurized" "Fat Free, Sugar Free" "Wood Fired" "Non-GMO" "Biometrically Authenticated" "Picked By Hand" "Parametrically Polymorphic" "Cloud Enabled" "Artisanally Crafted" "Naturally Decaffeinated" "Harmonically Balanced" "Non-Disintermediated" "Dual-Polarized Quadrature Phase-Shift Keyed" "Cryptographically Secured" "Copper Clad" "Vitamin Enriched" "Non-Fake News"